Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was in a holding pattern. Mainly this consisted of holding my breath, wondering if this job would ‘take’ for Dave and I could breathe a little easier. Nothing is worse for the creative spirit than wondering if you are going to lose your house and cars because you can’t pay for them.
It got down to the bare bones, and finally the first check came in. Last night as we settled in for the night I asked him, “How are things going? What’s your feel for this job?” He talked for a while and I felt like it was an appropriate time to say, “Great, ’cause I’m thinking of NOT trying to find more cleaning clients.”
The economic downturn has really put me in a position of clear understanding – in times of financial stress, people cut the non-essentials, and housecleaning is definitely a non-essential. Factor in two of my clients having financial troubles and another leaving the country in July, and I’m looking at 1/4 of my business each month being gone.
Housecleaning has always been a means to an end. I did it to make ends meet on my terms, not someone else’s. And really, where can you work for five hours each week and make half of what you did working full-time in an office?
This morning I am 42 years old. The clock is ticking. Half of my life has passed and somehow I feel the best is yet to come. Why? Because I finally understand what makes me happy, what moves me, and the impact I can have on the world. Through doing what I love.I write, I share my life, my interests and passions, my love for the world around me and it seems to return, kind of like a boomerang, slowly but surely, it is returning.
This morning I read a Facebook posting, it read, “Oh my sister!!! I love your blog:) Happy, Happy Birthday to you! We are more connected now than we ever knew back then. Enjoy your kids and your day!”
I’m not sure which blog she is referring to – The Deadly Nightshade or Homeschool Advocate – but that’s okay. It was very sweet to hear from her. Her mother had lived with my father – and together we had lived altogether for about six months before I left home at 17. That makes us sisters in one way or another.
All this is to say that, as we lay in bed last night Dave asked me, “Is the housecleaning biz an excuse to not get on with your writing?” The answer was no, but with a codicil…I have a hard time letting go of something that is obviously making me money to focus on something that, to date, is obviously not. It is a war between doing what I love, and making sure my family is taken care of, doing my part.
Yesterday evening I pulled out the Chronicles of Liv Rowan. It is an ambitious project, a projected twelve books in length, and I itched to begin. But I have a story that is unfinished – War’s End Book 2. And I am compelled to finish it before moving on. It is wrong to leave a story unfinished…and it will further center my writing and prepare me for the epic journey I must begin.
It’s time to begin…again.
And she rises…