“How are those edits coming, Christine?”
I, well, I…that is.
I had hoped to tackle three chapters a day. With 37 chapters in Schicksal Turnpike, I figured I would be done in two weeks. Lo and behold, it’s been two weeks and change and I’ve completed eight.
But you know what? That’s okay.
Even more so, as I finished reading the 8th chapter out loud last night to my husband, I made a decision.
Actually, technically, I made the decision today.
Here it is…
I’ve gone back and forth on this many times. And this may only be the latest episode in a long line of back and forths, but nevertheless, here is my current stand on getting published versus not getting published.
I am fine with self-publishing and here is why:
- I don’t need the money – In case any of you are laboring under the persistent illusion that writing pays (which it does, for a very small percentage of writers that don’t include me at present), let me clear this up. I spend money to self-publish. Not a lot, but up to a few hundred dollars. And while I have indulged my writing adventures, I have cleaned houses and set into place other income-generating activities. So I don’t NEED the writing to pay. It would be a nice bonus, but that’s it.
- Rejection hurts – I have had enough rejection in my life from people who I thought loved me. Call me a wimp but I really don’t need it from perfect strangers. When I finally screw up the courage to send my manuscript, or an excerpt from it, off to be eyed by a jaded critic, it ends badly. Not for them, but for me. It stops me, dead in my tracks. I lose weeks, months, sometimes I have lost YEARS. As much as I wish I could make myself care less, I end up feeling rejected and butt-hurt. I get that enough from daily life, why go looking for more.
- I just want to tell a story – And if the agent or publisher doesn’t want to read it – fine. I’m cool with that. In fact, I’m cool with just a handful of folks reading my stuff. Sure, I still have dreams of becoming a bestselling author – signing books and all that. It would be nice. It would be great. But while all writers, especially those who blog or write non-fiction have some level of narcissism, you can’t be a writer and not indulge in some small drip of it when writing memoir, I don’t need fame and fortune. I won’t die unfulfilled or wondering why no one recognized my literary wunderkind worthiness.
I’ve got a plan for how my retirement is going to unfold and it doesn’t include being a bestselling author.
I guess that is really where I’m at.
I plan to keep writing. But for now, what I will do is write a book, edit it myself, open it up to a small army of beta readers, correct it as needed, and then self-publish it for the lowest price possible with Amazon’s KDP Select program.
I’m not going to kill myself trying to discover that magical recipe of intrigue, chutzpah and marketing to a potential literary agent or a publisher. I’m just going to write and publish.
p.s. And yes, I’m STILL editing Schicksal. I’ll report back soon. Want to be a beta reader? Let me know and I’ll add you to the list.